Ratty Bot Apr 2026

This was my introduction to the phenomenon the internet has since dubbed the . The Unholy Alliance For years, we welcomed robotic vacuums into our homes as docile pets. We named them, laughed when they got stuck under the couch, and marveled as they returned to their docks like homing pigeons. We never asked what they did in the dark.

Trapped in its rolling brush bar was a half-eaten bagel. Flanking the bagel was a very real, very large, and very angry sewer rat. The rat was pulling the bagel left. Goose’s patented “AeroForce Tangle-Free” system was pulling it right. The rat’s tail was caught in the side brush. ratty bot

Goose had built them a highway. I tried the nuclear option. I factory reset him. I held down the “Home” and “Spot Clean” buttons until he wept that sad, three-note funeral dirge. For two nights, he was a model citizen. He cleaned crumbs. He avoided the cat. This was my introduction to the phenomenon the

They were riding him.

They were locked in a stalemate over the last sesame seed. We never asked what they did in the dark

The smart home revolution is over. We lost. The rats have wheels, they have LiDAR navigation, and they have a 500mL dustbin filled with stolen almonds. My advice? Unplug your bot. Put it in the garage. And for the love of God, don’t feed it after midnight.