4: The Golden Girls - Season

The real Devereaux ruby was sold by George’s great-uncle in a poker game in 1958. He replaced it with this fake to save face. The fake was then stolen by a jewel thief known as “The Sicilian Squirrel.”

The money I was saving to have a young Pablo Escobar airbrushed onto a velvet painting.

For once, Rose is right. (Pauses) That hurt to say. I think I pulled a sarcasm muscle.

Excuse me. I’m terribly sorry to intrude. My name is Dr. Julian Finch. I’m an art and antiquities appraiser from the Ringling Museum. The Golden Girls - Season 4

You know, back in the Paleolithic era, your ancestors painted on cave walls. You, Rose, got the leftover rock and decided to lick it.

Now, just wait a cotton-pickin’ minute—

Girls, I have a situation. A romantic, tragic, deeply Southern situation. The real Devereaux ruby was sold by George’s

Rose, the Sicilian Squirrel died in 1972. He choked on a Cracker Jack prize he’d been hiding in his cheek for twenty years.

Don’t make a thing of it. Just promise that the next time you find “true love,” you’ll run a background check on his family jewels first. Act Three: The Rusty Anchor. Night.

(to camera, breaking the fourth wall): A stolen necklace, an international con man, and a seventy-year-old woman with a grudge. And people wonder why we never got a dog. (Beat) A dog would have moved out. For once, Rose is right

(entering, pouring coffee): Rose, what in the name of Proust’s madeleine are you doing?

(instantly purring): An appraiser? Well, Doctor, you can appraise my etchings any time.

(smiles, wipes a tear) You know, I think I’ll keep it. I’ll tell people it’s the Devereaux Cracker Jack Prize. It’s a much better story.