“Remember Windows Vista? Remember how bloated and slow it was? What if we removed 99% of the files, crushed the remaining 1% with a hydraulic press, and told you to run it on a Pentium 4?”

You right-click the desktop to personalize it. A dialog box appears: “The Desktop Window Manager has stopped working. Also, we deleted your wallpaper. Also, you have 12 seconds to reboot.”

The installer is a makeshift script that extracts 80MB of chaos into your C:\ drive. It takes 45 seconds. You feel proud. Then, it asks for a 25-character product key. You enter 11111-11111-11111-11111-11111 . It accepts it. Red flag number one.

Windows Vista Ultimate 32-bit Version: “Super Compressed” (80 MB) Reviewer: A very tired system administrator Rating: ⭐ (One star, and that star is on fire)